Will We Ever Get Pregnant?
Will We Ever Get Pregnant? (Coping With Infertility)
By Jon Henshaw M.A. For most couples, the decision to get pregnant is usually a calculated and thoughtful choice that isn’t easily made. There are often concerns about financial security, loss of leisure time, and questions of one’s own readiness to become a parent. More often than not, one person is more ready than the other to have children. So, when there’s finally consensus in a relationship to have a child, expectations for getting pregnant are usually high, and couples generally expect to get pregnant almost immediately. However, more often than not, it usually takes several months for couples to conceive. The process of copulation is quite simple, but the chance of a viable pregnancy is not. In fact, the average chance of conceiving each month is only 15%, and the chance of spontaneous abortion is also 15%. The good news is that 85% of couples will be successful during their first year. Crisis Once a couple has decided to get pregnant, and they’ve been unsuccessful for several months, trying to get pregnant can become burdensome, disappointing and frustrating. Women often begin to question their ability to conceive, which in turn can create an identity crisis. Although it’s not true for all women, many women partly define themselves by their gender, and their ability (or potential) to reproduce. When this ability becomes jeopardized, feelings of worry and panic become frequent. Depending on a woman’s personality, she may become more determined to become pregnant, or she may seep slowly into depression. Simultaneously, men experience the crisis in another way. Sexual intercourse becomes redefined. Sex is no longer a simple, instinctual drive that is perpetuated by visual stimulation. Instead, sex becomes deflated. It transforms into a delegated task. The original intention of sex (a desire for pleasure), succumbs to the reality that a man’s genitals are solely a tool to aid a woman in reproduction. Nothing more. Nothing less. Although a woman is not defined by her ability to conceive, and a man’s task of ejaculation is not his sole purpose for existing, these ideas can still consume their thoughts. In general, couples begin to change their traditional roles regarding sex. The woman becomes more aggressive, insisting that they have sex (in order to conceive), and the man becomes more and more disinterested. A physical pinnacle of this crisis usually amounts to undesirable aggressive sexual behavior from the woman to the man, and the inability for the man to sustain an erection and ejaculate. In an oversexed society, such as ours, the disinterest from the man to the woman, and the inability of the man to perform, can create feelings of panic, devastation, and depression. The crisis is not only confined to the bedroom. A couple is also forced to reevaluate, and in some instances become aware of for the first time, their long term expectations for their relationship and themselves. If a couple already has a preconceived notion of how their lives will unfold, and it doesn’t occur, reevaluation becomes an unavoidable consequence of unfulfilled expectations and dreams. Questions that often go through couple’s minds include: - “What happens if we can’t get pregnant?” - “How far are we willing to go in order to get pregnant, and can we afford it?” - “What will our friends and family think?” - “How long will this take?” - “What happens if we find out we can never have children?” - “What if we have to adopt?” - “How will my partner react if I end up being the reason we can’t get pregnant?” Coping There’s no easy way to endure the inability to conceive. Anger and frustration, the pressure of time, feelings of loneliness, loss and grief, and the insidious nature of stress all contribute to lowered levels of happiness and contentment. However, there are ways to cope individually, and as a couple. The level of couple cooperation and the quality of their communication plays an important part in how well a couple will cope. Furthermore, couples with coping strategies that involve active problem-focused planning, networking, and information seeking behavior often seem to fair much better than couples that don’t. Below are some suggestions to help couples cope with infertility: - Don’t minimize feelings. Feelings are there for a reason. Respect your partner’s feelings and learn to embrace and accept your own. - Listen and talk to each other. Listening and talking creates intimacy in your relationship, and can help encourage and strengthen each other through this difficult experience. - Become educated about fertility and infertility. RESOLVE is a great place to start - http://www.resolve.org/. - Find diversions. Although you shouldn’t avoid the problem, it can often be helpful to take a break from it. - Don’t tell everyone what’s going on. Don’t tell friends or family simply because you think they should know. Instead, tell friends or family that have a history of being good listeners and encouragers. Otherwise, it they could make a bad situation worse. - Have sex for the sake of sex. Try to have sexual intercourse during times that are not close to ovulation. The time after a woman has stopped her period, and before she ovulates, can be a great time for a couple to have sex without the pressure to conceive. - Be patient. Conceiving can take a long time. Sometimes it’s best to lower your expectations, but to still keep trying. Others find it helpful to take a break, and to start trying again in a couple of months. - Pray and meditate. If you are spiritually inclined, prayer and meditation can be calming, and give you a sense of peace about your situation. - Seek counseling. Counselors are trained to help couples through life crisis. If possible, seek out a counselor who specializes, or has experience with infertility issues. Jon Henshaw M.A. is a Marriage and Family Counselor in Denver, Colorado. For more information, please visit http://www.familyresource.com
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Counting Your Menstrual Cycle
A very basic way to predict ovulation is to count the days of the menstrual cycle. A woman�s menstrual cycle begins on the first day of bleeding. Begin counting from that day and count the days until the next period. This is a woman�s menstrual cycle. Ovulation usually occurs somewhere between the 11th to 14th day during the cycle. If your menstrual cycle is regular, obviously it will be easier to determine when ovulation will begin. If your cycle is irregular, it may be best to determine your cycle by counting the days a few different times, to get a better grasp of just how irregular your cycle is.
Another simple method to determine ovulation is to monitor the body temperature. During ovulation, the body temperature can rise. Though not significantly, a basal body temperature thermometer can measure the subtle increase and then let you know when ovulation is occurring. It is important to know that this method will only let you know when you are ovulating, and will not be able to predict ovulation. But if you couple this with counting the days in the menstrual cycle, you will be able to more accurately predict your ovulation cycle.
The LUTEAL PHASE
The LUTEAL PHASE also known as the Post Ovulation Time is the amount of time between ovulation and the start of the menstrual period. This time is usually very stable in most women. For those of you who have irregular periods, the irregular part is before ovulation occurs. Once ovulation has occurred then the period will arrive after exactly the amount of days of your Luteal phase which in most women is 14 days.
When to get pregnant - Ovulation time
If you spend a few months charting your cycle the you will notice that once you have ovulated, the time until your period is always exactly the same, even if you are irregular with your periods.
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Why is it important to prepare for pregnancy?
Why is it important to prepare for pregnancy?
You probably won’t know you are pregnant for the first three to four weeks. By then, your baby is already forming major organs and structures. Some medicines, illnesses, or bad habits (like smoking or drinking alcohol) can affect your baby before you even know you are pregnant. To be safe, you should act like you are already pregnant before you try to get pregnant.
When should I see my doctor?
Get a checkup from your doctor before you try to get pregnant. Your doctor will ask you and the baby’s father about your medical and family histories. You can discuss your pregnancy plans with your doctor and ask questions.
Is exercise okay?
Yes. Regular moderate exercise is good for you and your baby and can be continued during pregnancy. Do not get overheated and avoid using hot tubs in early pregnancy. If you plan to do any especially vigorous forms of exercise, discuss this with your doctor first.
Should I take vitamins?
Taking 400 micrograms of folic acid (a B vitamin) every day before you become pregnant and during early pregnancy helps prevent birth defects of the brain and spinal cord. It is safe to take a daily multivitamin tablet. Avoid high doses of vitamins because they can be harmful.
Do I need to change my diet?
You should eat a balanced diet with foods rich in folic acid, such as green leafy vegetables, broccoli, oranges, and bananas. Your diet should also include enough iron and calcium. If you cannot drink milk, you can get calcium from fortified orange juice, fortified breads and cereals, or calcium supplements. Do not drink more than two cups of coffee or six glasses of tea or soda per day. Try to reach a healthy weight before pregnancy. Women who are very overweight or underweight may have more problems with pregnancy. You should not be on a weight-loss diet during pregnancy.
What else should I avoid?
You should avoid toxic substances and chemicals at work and at home. Smoking cigarettes increases your risk of miscarriage or having a baby with a low birth weight. Your doctor can help you stop smoking. Alcohol and illegal drugs such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin can cause birth defects or other problems in your baby. If you cannot stop using drugs, ask your doctor for help.
What do I need to know about genetic diseases?
The older you are, especially if you are older than 35, the higher your risk for having a baby with Down syndrome or other genetic problems. You can be tested for some of these problems during your pregnancy.
If you have a high risk of passing a genetic disease to your baby, your doctor can refer you to a genetic counselor for education and help. People who are black or from the Middle East or India can be tested for sickle cell disease and thalassemia. If your family is from the region of the Mediterranean Sea or Southeastern Asia, you might be screened for thalassemia. If your family is of European Jewish or French Canadian origin, consider screening for Tay-Sachs disease. If you or the baby’s father has a family history of cystic fibrosis or congenital hearing loss, you might be tested to see if you carry one of these traits. There are many other genetic diseases that can be detected by testing. Problems in previous pregnancies, such as repeated early miscarriages, may show a need for genetic evaluation.
What tests should I have before I get pregnant?
You should consider testing for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), such as HIV and syphilis. Treatment can prevent you from passing a virus to your baby. Other STDs such as gonorrhea and chlamydia should be treated before pregnancy.
Do I need any immunizations?
If you are not immune to rubella, you will need a booster shot of MMR (measles, mumps, and rubella) at least one month before you get pregnant. If you have never had chickenpox, you should have two injections of this vaccine at least one month before pregnancy. You may need the series of three hepatitis B vaccines if you have not had them before. A flu shot is also recommended for pregnant women, usually between October and December.
What can I do to avoid infections?
Pregnant women should not clean a cat’s litter box and should wear gloves while gardening. Pregnant women should eat meat only if it is well cooked. These precautions help protect against toxoplasmosis, an infection that can cause birth defects. Women in child care or health care jobs should wash their hands often. They should also use gloves when touching body fluids of sick children to protect from viral infections that can harm the growing baby.
What if I have health problems?
If you take any medicines regularly, ask your doctor if you can take them when you are pregnant. If you have diabetes, hypertension, asthma, or epilepsy, the condition should be well controlled before pregnancy.
When should I stop taking my birth control pills?
Discuss this with your doctor. Usually, you should stop birth control pills at least two months before trying to get pregnant. Then your periods can return and your cycles can be tracked. However, it will not hurt the baby if you get pregnant right after stopping the pill.
Can I work during my pregnancy?
Most women without special risks can work during pregnancy. Physical jobs may need to be modified during pregnancy. Sometimes, problems occur during pregnancy, and you may need to take time off from work. Be sure you understand your employer’s rules about parental leave benefits as well as the maternity coverage of your health insurance plan. Consider putting money into savings to cover your expenses if you have to take time off work during pregnancy.
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This handout provides a general overview on this topic and may not apply to everyone. To find out if this handout applies to you and to get more information on this subject, talk to your family doctor.
Visit familydoctor.org for information on this and many other health-related topics.
Welcome to the ‘become pregnant’ blog.
Welcome to the ‘become pregnant’ blog.
I hope to fill this with usefull information on how to get pregnant, dealing with infertility and natural conception methods.
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